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Algggircs and anagegics

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Dear Sir,

Thank you for your transcription. Regrettably, I cannot use it. It is, and I flatter you, gibberish.

• You do not capitalize correctly, your punctuation is staggering and your spelling atrocious. Were that the only issue…

• You did not seem to have referred to the vocabulary I provided: “methotrexate”, a common drug listed there, is not spelled “methrpoxil”, “metrppoxil”, “metroplexate” nor even “amotril”. Likewise, an “anti-TNF” is not “anti tss”, “ants eff”, “anti tns”, “ati tfff”, nor any of the other sultry variations thereof you managed to insert, hoping to conceal your ignorance beneath a tissue of sneezes.

• There is no such thing as “algegic”, “algggirc” or “anagegic”; the term you might have been seeking in your bewildered brain is “analgesic”.

• “Cytokines” are not spelled “sitochine”; “dMARDs are not “demods”; patients are neither “siro positive” nor “siro negative”; and even with the greatest of generosity, not even a Shakespearean chimpanzee would spell “opioid” as “oppooo”. Lastly, and I really must stop here, despite the known benefits of cod-liver oil, an ad hoc treatment is never given on a “haddock basis”.

Nevertheless, you have tried, and for that you deserve payment. Given the inevitable complications in advising me of your correct IBAN and BIC, please ask your keeper to send me your institution’s address and I will pop a peanut in the post.

Yours, etc., etc.

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Guest Monday, 20 January 2020
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